Thanks for all of you have given advice over the previous weeks...This is the latest show....what do you think?
Listening to your advice?
Hello! I've only just signed up to post but I have been following these forums and so I have seen some of your earlier works. I'm not a pro so these are just my impressions as a viewer.
It's definitely improved since your earlier episodes. I can tell that you are finding your feet which is awesome. You seem to have the camera positioned higher now which improves the look drastically. I think you could still both speed up your speech. Real news shows use short sentences and crisp, rapid speech to create a sense of urgency and professionalism.
You've also kept your stories trimmer, which is a good move. I'd be tempted to also trim down your scrolling headline bar to shorter sentences. I can't follow some of them whilst also listening to the presenters because they are several long sentences in a row, and it's a shame to make half of your jokes so easy to miss. Maybe if you could cut those ones down to punchy one-liners that I could just glance and get, then you could save anything which needs more words for the presenters to discuss. Watch your phrasing on those one liners too - the line asking why innocent children suffer seemed a bit clunky. I had to go back and re-read to parse it and a scrolling bar doesn't allow for that, especially when I'm also listening.
You've done a good job with your embedded pictures and info bars which captures the feel of the news. It did seem that your backgrounds were much more crisp than your presenters and the sound could be sharper, but I imagine that's probably a limitation of your equipment and budget and not a reflection of your skill.
I liked your content (it wasn't all my sense of humour but I could see what you were doing). I liked the joke about the cat videos but again I think it would've been funnier with a snappier, more 'news-like' delivery.
It seems like you haven't quite decided whether to go for a straight up satirical parody of the news or more of an outspoken opinion piece. Your opening couple of stories seemed like the first, but then the TTIP section seemed to veer into the second. Both are good methods but I think you should pick one and stick to it or divide the show into clear sections - a headlines bit and a more informal news analysis bit. If you're a news parody then sharper, faster delivery and less obvious about the presenters opinion - you don't generally hear newsreaders say 'the organisation say this but in reality it's this' - they might say 'critics say' or something along those lines. On the other hand a Daily Show piece might come right out and say that the official line is a load of bollocks. If you're going to do that, I'd make an attempt to sound less scripted, as though you were a particularly articulate friend telling me how it is. I hope that makes some sort of sense.
A last observation is just to be aware of your mannerisms. There's a lot of head tipping and arm gestures which feel like they are habit rather than character (correct me if I'm wrong?). For the behind-the-desk sections at least it seems like it'd be a more effective parody if you could mimic newsreader body language by being stiff and still.
I know that's a huge post and I hope you take it as a compliment - I can see how hard you are working and how sincerely you are trying to make this better which is why I've taken the time to go into so much detail.
Sorry, but something about the camera angle still gives me the heebie-jeebies...
Thank you for the long critique...really good stuff in there...I really appreciate you taking time to post some really good points. The advice on the ticker tape is spot on and I'll work on that for the next show...The sound quality I've put through filters and with the budget we have its the best we can do...like it says "live from the living room". Its getting sharper every week and we're finding our feet with how to write headlines and stories but getting better I think. Thank you very much for your time and great comments all noted!
Quote: Lazzard @ 26th February 2015, 10:54 AM GMTSorry, but something about the camera angle still gives me the heebie-jeebies...
took your advice more camera can I ask was it the whole show or as I suspect just warwick marlow outside HSBC office?
It's the stuff at the desk.
Camera still feels a little low and close - forces the newsreader to look down and off a little - rather than straight out at us.
It's a silly thing, really - but as 'aping' the real thing is part of your schtick, it might be worth experimenting.
Is the camera too close, perhaps - could it be placed further away and zoomed in.
I don't know - not mu area of expertise....
Quote: Lazzard @ 26th February 2015, 12:20 PM GMTIt's the stuff at the desk.
Camera still feels a little low and close - forces the newsreader to look down and off a little - rather than straight out at us.
It's a silly thing, really - but as 'aping' the real thing is part of your schtick, it might be worth experimenting.
Is the camera too close, perhaps - could it be placed further away and zoomed in.
I don't know - not mu area of expertise....
Thanks for taking the time to check it...it's not a "silly thing" if its bugging you and I want it to look good! I'll experiment some more.