Dunno I'm just the middleman as the bishop said during the orgy

In the end he went with,

I've never seen so many gooners in suits.....since I did jury service

and

I thought SON IN LAW was dying, the good news is he isn't the bad news is DAUGHTER said sorry dad he's a gooner.

Neither likely to bother the Dave joke of the fringe contest.

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 19th August 2014, 11:51 PM BST

Oh.

No, don't send me the tenner. Just buy yourself, RCP and AJGO a round at the next meet-up and drink a toast to the PLO. Promise?

View original

Why would I pay you anything you submitted after the job was closed.

If you need charity might I suggest DEC, sure they'll have time after the Gaza appeal.

Keith Chegwin walks into a bar and sees a bloke making a few people laugh.

He says to the barman - "I'll have what he's having."

oh nice very nice

A spin I suppose would be

What did FAMOUS BIGAMIST PHILANDERER say to the barman

I'll have what he's having

How many members of government does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll all insist it's still working.

Infact its working 40 percent more than it was under the previous government.

Quote: sootyj @ 20th August 2014, 6:02 PM BST

Infact its working 40 percent more than it was under the previous government.

View original

I just write jokes

I tried unsuccesfully to build a rib cage around a heart. I made no bones about it.

A leech shouldn't be allowed to stop a car on the level.

Never give a sucker an even brake.

Sorry - I've been trying to write one - or two - liners built on cliches. Just made up on the spur of the moment. Quite obvious really.

Just had a can of coke.

Think I'm gonna be out of it for a week.

Just been to the pictures to see a film.

2 big spiders fighting in an envelope.

The Thriller in Manilla.

When I saw the how much rotisserie chickens were at the deli I told the clerk, "If I wanted to pay that much for a scrawny little bird, I'd go to the street corner."

I don't just give handjobs to builders.
I'm what they call 'a jackoff all trades'.

What does the box of PG Tips I've got in the kitchen have in common with God?

It's all my tea.

I kept trying to get soy sauce sectioned,
but I realised that would be commiting sushi side.