The Brave Knight

I'd appreciate some comments on this. Thanks.

FX Sword fighting, grunting a huge howl then a big thud.

Maiden: Oh noble knight, you have slain the fearsome dragon and saved me!

Knight: And now we shall ride to Camelot, where you shall marry me and tend to my every desire.

Maiden: Oh. Uh, I'm sort of seeing someone at the moment.

Knight: But I... I rescued you.

Maiden: Well nobody asked you to.

Knight: What?! I won't bother next time, will I?

Maiden: Well I've only just met you.

Knight: So I've got blood all over my favourite tunic for nothing then. Great. Who's this boyfriend of yours?

Maiden: T.J.

Knight: T.J?! What sort name is that for a knight?

Maiden: He's not a knight. He's a minstrel.

Knight: And where is he right now?

Maiden: I don't know, he's a wandering minstrel.

Knight: That explains the coldsore then.

Maiden: Hey! It's a plague scab! He's not like that.

Knight: Well maybe 'T.J' can write a ballad about how a brave knight hauled himself up a mountain, kicked f*ck out of a fire breathing dragon and saved his girlfriend!

Maiden: Or maybe he could write a song about a presumptuous knight who hauled himself up a mountain because he thought he was going to get his tip wet.

Knight: Can you at least help me get rid of this?

Maiden: What do you mean? (beat) Oh for god's sake don't point that thing at me!

Knight: Killing a dragon and saving a beautiful woman's life gets a man all... excited.

Maiden: Fine, you did save my life. I will.. 'assist' you , 'brave knight'. But you better not tell any of your friends about this!

Knight: Oh I won't, you know us knights, we're all about the chivalry...come on, a little faster.

Nice , made me chuckle.

Good stuff Michael. Funny dialogue throughout. I think you can get a funnier finish though!

Really liked that up to the end. Some inspired lines e.g. with the wandering minstrel called TJ, coldsore, etc. In fact, all of it up to the "assisting" bit at the end. Still funny, but think it lowers the tone of anotherwise quite classy sketch.

I've tried to come up with an ending for this but can't. Any help would be appreciated.

Quote: Michael Hughes @ 13th August 2014, 11:16 AM BST

Knight: Killing a dragon and saving a beautiful woman's life gets a man all... excited.

Maiden: Fine, you did save my life. I will.. 'assist' you , 'brave knight'. But you better not tell any of your friends about this!

Knight: Oh I won't, you know us knights, we're all about the chivalry...come on, a little faster.

How about something like

Maiden: Fine, you did save my life. Come now, release the sword from the scabbard.

Knight: My sword hasn't been sheathed since I set out on this grand adven... Oh now I get you.

But obviously much better!

Thanks for the input Jodan. I reworked it. Any thoughts would be be welcomed...

FX A roar and a thud.

Maiden: Oh noble knight, you have slain the fearsome dragon and saved me!

Knight: And now we shall ride to Camelot, where your father, the king, shall reward me with your hand in marriage.

Maiden: Brave sir, I am but a lowly hand maiden. Chamber pots and peeling spuds is my vocation.

Knight: Not at the same time I hope. You are but a lowly wench but beauteous. I shall take my reward here! Every knight likes... his lance polished.

Maiden: Hmm...methinks not.

Knight: Go on, just touch it.

Maiden: No.

Knight: Tickle it.

Maiden: No!

Knight: Look at it?!

Maiden: Not in this lifetime, sir.

Knight: Why?

Maiden: I'm sort of seeing someone at the moment.

Knight: But I... I rescued thee.

Maiden: Nobody asked you to.

Knight: What?! I won't bother next time, will I?

Maiden: Well I've only just met you.

Knight: So I've got blood all over my favourite tunic for nothing then. Great. Who, pray thee, is this boyfriend of yours?

Maiden: T.J.

Knight: T.J?! What sort name is that for a knight?

Maiden: He's not a knight. He's a minstrel.

Knight: And where is he right now?

Maiden: I don't know, he's a wandering minstrel.

Knight: That explains the coldsore.

Maiden: Hey! That's a plague scab!

Knight: Well maybe 'T.J' can write a ballad about how a brave knight hauled himself up a mountain, kicked f**k out of a fire breathing dragon and saved his girlfriend!

Maiden: Or maybe he could write a song about a presumptuous knight who hauled himself up a mountain because he thought he was going to get his tip wet.

Knight: Fine no lance-a-lot for you.

FX: Clunk of armour

Pause

Knight: I caught it in my armour! (squealing) Ahhhh!

Maiden: (No sympathy) Oh dear it looks like another foul beast hath been slain this day.

Knight: Christ it's only hanging on by a tendon.... don't look!

Maiden: Still want me to tickle it?

Knight: Get me off this bloody mountain!

Maiden: Ok but I want a reward.

Knight: Anything.

Maiden: Great. I've literally got a shitload load of chamber pots that need cleaning. Tally ho.

Prefer the first version, funny and we wrote very good