Privates on parade

a parade ground . a squad of soldiers are lined up for roll call .

sgt major hardon : '' right you 'orrible little rabble , lets see who could be bothered to grace us with their presence here this morning ! . private dick !''

prvt dick; '' here sir ''

sgt major h; '' private knob ''

prvt knob; '' here sir ! ''

sgt major h; '' good way to start a head count . with you two . right - prick ?''

prvt prick '' yeah ''

sgt major hardon walks up to prvt prick and screams in his face .

sgt major h; '' you will address me as sir or sergeant major prick . I have my eye n you - do not rub me up the wrong way or you will find yourself in very sticky situation !! do I make my self clear you litte twat ?? ''

prvt twat; '' here sir ! ''

sgt major'' shut up twat , I know your here and I still don't think you belong here !. I was speaking to prick here . aint that right prick ?? ''

prvt prick; ''yes sir sergeant major sir !!! ''

sgt mjr h; '' that's better !! . ok . where our foreign recruits ?

prvt dong; '' here slir !''

prvt wang; '' yes slir !''

prvt schlong '' ja sir ! ''

sgt major h ; '' good lads ! right , has anyone seen sergeant balls ?? ''

prvt dick '' yes sir - HE'S HANGING OUT AT THE LADIES BARRACKS WITH MAJOR WOOD !'

a neat funny intro to a terribly old punchline

i thought of making it 'longer' but 'pulled out 'before the end . could 'flesh i't out a bit ,but don't be too 'hard on' me ! ....... damn , sorry , thought I was writing carry on there for a minute :) stii probably the finniest films ever . apart from philidelphia , that was hilarious .

on a serious note , thx for the advice sooty , was only a quicky that came to me while watching something - I could prob do a few more characters and one liners ,n justthought the ending was keeping in the style of the rest of it . :)

if you subverted it, it would work make something of the obviousness

I dunno maybe sergeant balls had a sex change or summat

what about private Testies? 'oh he's just coming, Sir.'

Quote: Paul Chisholm @ 24th April 2014, 4:29 PM BST

what about private Testies? 'oh he's just coming, Sir.'

now you are jusr chatting bollocks , :)

Plus there's a well-known play and film called Privates on Parade.