The Ten Commandments

Inspired by certain threads on Writers Discussion....

MOSES ARRIVES AT THE TOP OF MOUNT SINAI, HE IS GREETED BY THE VOICE OF GOD FROM ON HIGH

Thou shall have no other Gods before me.
Thou shalt not make a graven image
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain
Thou shalt remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy
Honour thy father and thy mother
Thou shalt not commit murder
Thou shalt not commit adultery
Thou shalt not steal
Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbour
Thou shalt not covet

THE SKY ERUPTS WITH THUNDERBOLTS AND LIGHTNING

GOD:Well Moses, what do you think?

MOSES:To be perfectly honest God, and this is just my opinion, but I think it'd benefit from a bit of editing.

GOD:A bit of editing, but I've...

MOSES:You know what they say....writing is rewriting. It's not as if it's carved in stone is it?

GOD:Emmm, actually...

I like this but I don't think the God character's believable.

Excellent just annoyed you got there first shandy

I thought that was really good, nice and short and funny as well.

Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ 20th December 2013, 5:41 PM GMT

really good, nice and short and funny as well.

Is that your match.com profile?

Neat :)

Quote: sootyj @ 20th December 2013, 5:43 PM GMT

Is that your match.com profile?

It wasn't...

Cheers everyone.

Good work.

Great little sketch gal. All Ten Commandments being read out would take quite a while. Could you fade in to him reeling them off from halfway through (it would be obvious to the viewer that he had read the whole lot to Moses).

Nowthat's some excellent advice Will and completely correct

Quote: Will Cam @ 21st December 2013, 9:07 AM GMT

Great little sketch gal. All Ten Commandments being read out would take quite a while. Could you fade in to him reeling them off from halfway through (it would be obvious to the viewer that he had read the whole lot to Moses).

Bang on. I recently wrote a 10 Commandments sketch, and on the 2nd draft realised that the first line should be,

MOSES: And, finally, commandment number ten...

Laughing out loud

Yep, nice sketch, Shandy!

Thanks all.

Good idea Will, but I didn't want to have wasted poor Moses's time having climbed all the way to the top only to hear 'and last but not least...' ;)

Very nice sketch and agree with your agreeing with the suggestions.