Sootyj's first job on Elance was writing for the Jolly Green Giant. His most memorable line was 'Ho, Ho, f**kinhairyballs.

I'm not sure if they used his line or not..

Will Cam wrote lulu's seminal Boom Bang a Bang

Lofthouse considers the Shipping Forecast a work of fiction

Roscoff is on call to play the funeral march, with a trumpet shoved up his fundament at Cardiff city hall, in case of the death of the Queen,

Unfounded?

SootyJ still thinks we're at war with France which explains his continued insistence in writing in English only.

Roscoff has a pet bus, he takes it for a walk every morning and crys when it accelerates off to Crumlin. But crys with happiness when it comes back in the evening.

sootyj grows carrots in his nostrils, but they're not sold as 'organic' because he has to use pesticides for deodorant.

Nogget is the Royal bottom inspector for the whole of the East Midlands and is feared by all.

sootyj plane spots at the end of Heathrow's runway.

OR was initially surprised when he defecated something that looked exactly like Bruce Forsyth's head, until he realised everyone's poo looks like that.

Nogget is banned from Whitby and can never explain why. If you ask a local, they burst into tears and run away.

Sam Reid's name is an acronym of Some Arse-Mould Removal Ends In Disaster.

Nogget is often mistaken for former Workington Town, Blackpool, Aston Villa, Southend United, Crystal Palace, Queens Park Rangers, Wolverhampton Wanderers, Derby County, Sheffield United, Southampton, Newcastle United, Hibernian, Scarborough, Lincoln City, Enfield, Aberdeen, Dunfermline Athletic, Dumbarton, Falkirk, Manchester City, Notts County, Witton Albion, Darlington, Grimsby Town, Gateshead, Northampton Town, Queen of the South, Purfleet and Blyth Spartans goalkeeper, John Burridge.

Quote: Nogget @ 20th November 2013, 11:47 AM GMT

Sam Reid's name is an acronym of Some Arse-Mould Removal Ends In Disaster.

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Learn from my personal experiences or despair.

Tuumble was the first person to ever coin the phrase, 'Rhythym is a dancer' but got drunk and forgot to copyright it.

During the 1939-45 World conflict Sam Reid was Churchill's cigar double.