Danny Dyer had affair with Sarah Harding on film set

Dyer 'fell in lust' with the Girls Aloud beauty as they filmed a comedy movie - but she was heartbroken to discover he had a long-term partner, Joanne Mas, who he later married.

Run For Your Wife takes paltry £747 at box office

Run For Your Wife has so far taken just £747 at the box office. The total take from five cinemas included Valentine's Day previews, according to official data form the BFI.

Run for Your Wife: is this the worst British film ever?

Ray Cooney's film about a bigamist taxi driver gets a vicious mauling from the critics.

Movie review: Run for Your Wife (12A)

Run for your life - away from the cinema - and avoid this shocker.

When something is rumoured as possibly the worst British film ever, there's a car crash-type need to see it. And when you spy Cliff Richard and Rolf Harris cameoing as buskers during the opening credits you know you're in for a humdinger. This remake of Ray Cooney's 'whoops, where's me trousers?' farce casts Danny Dyer - who else? - as a black cabbie whose bigamist lifestyle is threatened with exposure after a dog food-eating tramp (Judi Dench - what was she thinking?) clocks him one with a handbag. Neil Morrissey sits on a chocolate cake, Richard Briers falls into a hedge, Christopher Biggins pushes Lionel Blair bum-first through a bathroom floor - no one emerges unscathed among the cameo-packed cast that reads largely like a roll-call for Brit TV legends you'd previously suspected deceased.

Review: Run For Your Wife (12A)

What was funny on stage doesn't translate and this still-born effort, headed by dire Danny Dyer, gives only fleeting glimpses of the humour that made the original such a winner.

Run For Your Wife: Danny's new flick is absolutely Dyer

Veteran Ray Cooney's stage farce - the tale of a bigamous cabbie trying to keep both wives unaware of each other - ran for nine years in the West End and has been translated into 30 languages. Thirty years on, however, and transposed to celluloid, it is abysmal, dealing in outdated stereotypes that will leave you in a state of appalled amazement.

Run For Your Wife movie review

British farces work on stage, but usually feel agonisingly stupid on screen. And this is a worst-case scenario, as playwright Cooney adapts his classic 1983 farce without even the slightest adjustment for the cinema.

Run for Your Wife (12A) review and trailer

If you know your farce from your elbow, take a long detour out of your way to miss it.

In this farce, Danny Dyer plays a man with more than one wife. Does that mean he's a Mormon? No, this is a Dyer movie so there is one too many Ms in that description.

When I was a kid, my parents took me to see the stage version of Run For Your Wife. I don't remember much about it but the audience definitely laughed.

This adaptation must surely be very different, then, because there are no funny jokes.

The closest it got to making me guffaw was when Lionel Blair's bottom fell through a bathroom ceiling.

Playing spot "so-and-so off the telly" will help pass the time as there are plenty of actors of Lionel's level in the cast, such as Neil Morrissey, Denise Van Outen and Christopher Biggins.

They are all more convincing than Danny attempting to play a loveable London bigamist covering his tracks.

I appreciate Run For Your Wife is supposed to be dumb, but rarely has a film aimed so low and missed its target so woefully.