| Ricky Tomlinson |
Mike Bassett |
| Amanda Redman |
Karine Bassett |
| Philip Jackson |
Lonnie Urquart |
| Bradley Walsh |
Dave Dodds |
| Phill Jupitus |
Tommo Thompson |
| Ulrich Thomsen |
Prof Shoegaarten |
| Robert Putt |
Jack Marshall |
| Dean Lennox Kelly |
Tonks |
| Robbie Gee |
Smallsy |
| Kevin Piper |
Norwich Newsreader |
| Malcolm Terris |
Phil Cope |
| Philip Dunbar |
Sussex Rep |
| Lloyd McGuire |
Midlands Rep |
| Sidney Livingstone |
Yorkshire Rep |
| Ian Lindsay |
Manchester Rep |
| Tony Nyland |
Derby Rep |
| Geoffrey Hutchings |
Gordon Lightfoot |
| Danny Tennant |
Jason Bassett |
| Iain Rogerson |
Ticket Collector |
| Angela Curran |
Margaret |
| Sean Gilder |
Independent Journalist |
| Nigel Lindsay |
Mirror Journalist |
| Mark Burdis |
Mail Journalist |
| John Smith |
Roving Reporter |
| Chris Boyle McQuarry (as Chris McQuarry) |
Alan Massey |
| Geoff Bell |
Wacko |
| Scott Mean |
Parksey |
| Julian Ballantine |
Robbo |
| Dean Holness |
Danny |
| John Alford |
Deano |
| Terry Kiely |
Harpsey |
| Toby Redwood |
Berksy |
| Thomas Kenyon |
Macca |
| Robert Campion |
Smudger |
| Peter McGillycuddy |
Gorgeous |
| Andy Ansah |
Super |
| Alex Lawler |
Sexy |
| Phil Gridelet |
Grids |
| Dion Osborne |
Ossie |
| Danny Husbands |
Normal |
| Declan Perkins |
Perks |
| Adrian James |
Bisham Player 1 |
| Mark O'Donoghue |
Bisham Player 2 |
| Peter McGillycuddy Snr |
Football Coach |
| Rob Sprackling |
Wheelchair Man |
| Alan Renwick |
England Fan |
| Tracey Bishop |
England Fan |
| Kim Durham |
Benson |
| Robert Hudson |
Hedges |
| Des Hamilton (as Desmond Hamilton) |
Scottish Player 1 |
| Paul Rattray |
Scottish Player 2 |
| Neil Peplow |
Scottish Goalkeeper |
| Glenn Mulhern |
Irish Player |
| Stephen Walters |
Supporter 1 |
| Paul McNeilly |
Supporter 2 |
| Paul Murphy |
Supporter 3 |
| Phil Penfold |
Supporter 4 |
| Charlie Thompson |
Supporter 5 |
| Tony Harmer |
Supporter 6 |
| Narcisa Tamborindeguy |
Brazilian Interviewer |
| Natasha Kaplinsky (as Natasha Kaplinksi) |
SKY Anchorwoman |
| Vincent Marzello |
US Newsreader |
| Scott Richardson |
Man on Street |
| Alan Green |
Commentator |
| Clive Tyldesley |
Commentator |
| Martin Tyler |
Commentator |
| Brian Moore |
Commentator |
| Martin Bashir |
Self |
| Edson Arantes do Nascimento (as Pelé) |
Self |
| Sue Barker |
Self |
| Richard Guest |
Self |
| Dickie Bird |
Self |
| Keith Allen |
Self |
| Jenny Frost (as Atomic Kitten) |
Self |
| Liz McClarnon (as Atomic Kitten) |
Self |
| Gabby Logan |
Self |
| Barry Venison |
Self |
| Ronaldo |
Self |