Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
The above gag, submitted by Charlie George, has been labelled as the best 'dad joke' in a competition run by Big Funny Fest.
The other 'corny dad gags' to make the shortlist were...
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
My son wanted to race me to the restaurant. It was a Thai.
The Lion King's theme song was about making a hot potato colder. Cooling ma tata.
To whoever it was that invented the word zero... thanks for nothing.
So they're trying to raise awareness for Cervical Cancer screening.... to be honest I'm not sure about this.... sounds like a bloody smear campaign.
Why was the elf sad? Because he had low elf-esteem.
A tube driver went to have his eyes tested. The opticians told him he had tunnel vision.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints.
Why does the River Nile smell like the '90s? Lynx Africa.
The submissions were looked over by comedians Mark Dolan and Hal Cruttenden. They selected the gag by Charlie George as the winner. The LGBTQ+ New Comedian of the Year winner is a former circus performer and dancer. She came to comedy to 'find her voice'... according to Charlie it turns out 'her voice is a lot like an 18th century white man's trapped inside the body of a queer brown lady'.
George wins a prize package from independent brewery Shepherd Neame, who are sponsoring Big Funny Fest. They will be offering a tour of the brewery, providing a slap up lunch and a supply of goodies for two, plus festival weekend tickets.
Big Funny Fest - featuring Cruttenden, Dolan, and many other comedians, including Nish Kumar, Andrew Maxwell, Lou Sanders, Luisa Omielan, Phil Wang and Mark Watson - takes place at Old Deer Park, in Richmond Upon Thames, on Saturday 15th and Sunday 16th June 2019. Find out more at bigfunnyfest.com