The Worst Thing To Say When Running For U.S. President

Frankie Boyle: I intend to withdraw from Iraq, and invade some real pussies... like Spain.

Hugh Dennis: Hi there, I'm like George Bush, only less intelligent.

Frankie Boyle: I will never forget the terrible events of 9/12.

Ed Byrne: Now I know what you're thinking, a Sagitarrius for President? But I have Leo rising.

Andy Parsons: Yes, I've smoked marijuana, and I inhaled... just now.

Frankie Boyle: There are no skeletons in my closed, just a black latex dildo suit.

Hugh Dennis: I would like you to call me... President... Showaddywaddy!

Frankie Boyle: I have a magnificent war record - it's Pipes Of Peace by Paul McCartney.

Ed Byrne: Whilst at college I did experiment with marijuana. I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, but I did not in hail.

This scene, featuring is from Series 5, Episode 8.

Unlikely Lines To Hear On A Science Programme

Frankie Boyle: After working on the equation for thirty years, Professor Stephens made an incredible discovery - his wife had left him and he'd wasted his life.

Hugh Dennis: The trade in human organs is shocking - this kidney cost me nearly a tenner.

Andy Parsons: Today we're going to be making a bomb using chapatti flour and hydrogen peroxide.

Frankie Boyle: Which is faster, a dog or a crossbow bolt?

Jo Caulfield: And that's how God created the world in seven days.

Russell Howard: I escaped from a petri dish! What am I?!

Andy Parsons: Hello. My name's Jade Goody.

Frankie Boyle: And that is how we can prove that aluminium is gay.

Hugh Dennis: A cure for acute depression may be just around the corner. Oh here it is - a train.

Frankie Boyle: And, as the mighty lion shakes the life out of this tiny gazelle, I feel strangely horny.

Adam Hills: Well, that test was conclusive - cats have one life.

This scene, featuring is from Series 5, Episode 4.

Unsettling Things to Hear from the Cockpit of a Plane

Gina Yashere: Thank God we're flying, I'm too pissed to drive.

Frankie Boyle: We're about to experience a little bit of turbulence, and then a lot of falling.

Rory Bremner: This is the captain speaking, we're out at the moment, please leave a message after the tone.

Hugh Dennis: Don't panic, just think of it as landing more vertically than normal.

Frankie Boyle: Help me with my seatbelt Abu, I can't do it with this damn hook.

Hugh Dennis: OK Captain Thomas, when I tap the windscreen, I want you to stop.

Rory Bremner: [Hums Wagner's Flight of the Valkyries]

Frankie Boyle: If you look out over the right wing, you'll see the burning remains of the left wing.

This scene, featuring is from Series 2, Episode 5.

What You Don't Want to Hear a Prime Minister Say

Frankie Boyle: Gordon, I've discovered how to make myself immortal.

Rory Bremner (as David Blunkett): Well, who'd have thought it?

Hugh Dennis (as Sir Winston Churchill): Unfortunately we have received no such undertaking. We are now at war... with Wales.

Gina Yashere: Oh my God! Oh my God! First Celeb Big Brother, and now this.

Frankie Boyle: Get me an eighteen inch knife and a hand grenade. I'm sorting this Iraq shit out.

Andy Parsons: So, there were these two Muslims that walked into a bar...

Greg Proops: Oh Mr President you're hurting me.

Rory Bremner: I'd just like to play you a little song I've written.

Hugh Dennis (as Jimmy Saville): Members of the house, the band was Showaddywaddy.

This scene, featuring is from Series 2, Episode 4.