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Topic: Sick Jokes |
Nil Putters
Member
Posts: 27408
Location: England
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February 18, 2011, 10:04 PM GMT
Edited by Nil Putters on February 18 2011, 10:05 PM GMT
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There's not a natural disaster, celebrity death or sex scandal that doesn't get mobiles around the country buzzing with new, sick, jokes on the subject. From tsunamis to missing persons to celebrity spouses, sick jokes emerge almost immediately.
Stick 'em here and let's all be disgusted in public, but have a guilty chuckle on the sly.
Not exactly topical but I got this today.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn't wearing a seat belt.
and
What's black and blue and doesn't like anal sex?
The little boy in my cellar.
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Oldrocker
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February 18, 2011, 11:31 PM GMT
Edited by Oldrocker on February 18 2011, 11:32 PM GMT
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Quote: Nil Putters @ February 18 2011, 10:04 PM GMT
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn't wearing a seat belt.
"adopts Alice mode at the end of VofD"
'Well, that's can't be can it? Because she was still in the car so, I mean, how could she have crossed the road?'
'I've had better nights'
'You've seen better days as well!'
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Nil Putters
Member
Posts: 27408
Location: England
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February 18, 2011, 11:33 PM GMT
Edited by Nil Putters on March 30 2011, 8:28 PM BST
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Well, it's a reply at least. 
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sootyj
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February 18, 2011, 11:34 PM GMT
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Was blue sits in the corner, makes girls cry and isn't funny?
Nil's jokes
Howdja like them apples?
http://www.bespokejokebloke.com/
http://sardoinucs.blogspot.com/ or www.londoncomedywriters.com/blog/Dr_Sardonicus
Now with new postings! 23% more comprehensible!
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Nil Putters
Member
Posts: 27408
Location: England
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February 18, 2011, 11:35 PM GMT
Edited by Nil Putters on February 18 2011, 11:36 PM GMT
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Quote: sootyj @ February 18 2011, 11:34 PM GMT
Was blue sits in the corner, makes girls cry and isn't funny?
Nil's jokes
We have a lot in common sooty. 
And for the record, I didn't write them.
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Clint75
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Posts: 73
Location: England
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February 19, 2011, 6:07 PM GMT
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This will be a good thread to air our own sick jokes, but there's a whole website dedicated to the topic, called sickipedia.
http://www.sickipedia.org/
There's a lot of dross on there, but some gems amongst them.
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Nil Putters
Member
Posts: 27408
Location: England
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February 19, 2011, 6:11 PM GMT
Edited by Nil Putters on February 19 2011, 6:37 PM GMT
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Jeremy Hardy actually told a sick joke on The News Quiz last night, although reworded somewhat to be less vile.
The joke...
A paedophile and a young girl are walking through a dark forest when the girl says "It's getting dark and I'm scared." The paedophile says "You're scared?! I've gotta walk home by myself!"
Hardy changed it to a wood cutter and Snow White, which doesn't really work.
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Lee
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February 19, 2011, 6:25 PM GMT
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Quote: Nil Putters @ February 18 2011, 10:04 PM GMT
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn't wearing a seat belt.
I always remembered;
What did Diana's driver say to Dodi?
Do you want to come with me and Di?
Quote: Nil Putters @ February 19 2011, 6:11 PM GMT
A paedophile and a young girl are walking through a dark forest when the girl says "It's getting dark and I'm scared." The paedophile says "You're scared?! I've gotta walk home by myself!"
Hand
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Clint75
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Location: England
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February 19, 2011, 6:28 PM GMT
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Quote
A paedophile and a young girl are walking through a dark forest when the girl says "It's getting dark and I'm scared." The paedophile says "You're scared?! I've gotta walk home by myself!"
I've told that joke before. It never fails to get a sharp intake of breath from the listener.
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Nil Putters
Member
Posts: 27408
Location: England
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March 30, 2011, 8:27 PM BST
Edited by Nil Putters on March 30 2011, 8:29 PM BST
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For Chip,
My penis is only 3 inches long, but it smells like a foot.
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Stephen Goodlad
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March 30, 2011, 8:46 PM BST
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Two flys on a turd, one says 'where's bill tonight, hasn't he turned up' the other replies - no he's on the sick.
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Nil Putters
Member
Posts: 27408
Location: England
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March 30, 2011, 8:48 PM BST
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random
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Location: England
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March 30, 2011, 11:29 PM BST
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Quote: Nil Putters @ February 18 2011, 11:04 PM BST
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn't wearing a seat belt.
and
What's black and blue and doesn't like anal sex?
The little boy in my cellar.
'If I have seen farther than others, it is because I've stood on the shoulders of giants' - Newton
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Trabs
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Posts: 487
Location: England
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March 31, 2011, 12:22 AM BST
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I once told this in a room full of people and nobody laughed.
What's pink, twelve inches long and stiff first thing in the morning?
A cot death.
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chipolata
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Posts: 28559
Location: England
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March 31, 2011, 11:16 PM BST
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Although I'm morally opposed to this thread, here's one for Putters...
I was sittin on the the bus opposite a real sexy Thai bird thinking to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."
To my horror, she did.
D16 F122 H1 |
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