Hello all

I've written a number of sketches and filmed a few (the ones that I managed to rope my girlfriend into filming with me - I'm still trying to get her to do more but I don't want to make her suffer)

I've added the copies with canned laughter.

Any likes?

I put them on YouTube last night so it's open to criticism by anyone - including devil worshipping american adolescents who hate everything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pc9VUHXdk6g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbU2ioFaGoo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkwslQKLUDo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p8LLTeaeLI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujJeh4pmxww

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qiKeQJAz-0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hl7v8XVfdhw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tM1DDYcqNQM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spXGlcOyrVY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIDNMg5c5X4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6528i7Fd2Y

My personal criticisms are...

Possession is too long for little return and has partially shaky acting.

Guess the faces are purely visual so limiting the audience a little (having said that Mr Bean was pretty successful)

and

Cold sores Vid is relatively average.

I do have a couple of other small criticisms but I want to see if anyone says them.

I am pretty critical of my work.

Thank you

x

Thanks

ZMT

or

ZTM

or

ZO

OR

just Z (but I needed 4 characters to make up a user name)

With the possession one I think it would have been funnier if he came out the room and dropped a used condom in her hand and said it's all sorted. (my sick humour) Ill watch the rest in a bit time for din dins

Saw the first 2 both have lovely ideas and a nice dark comedy sensibility.

But they're a bit long. The jokes are sharp enough for people to get sharpish.

I've watched The I Do Love You sketch, which I think gets off to a bit of a slow start, but finished strongly. The begining bit should be quicker me thinks. I watched the first guess the face sketch too. It's too long. I think the idea runs its course after 3 or 4 pictures. I'll watch the others some other time.

I put some sketches on YouTube but I find paper works better. It also means I don't have to worry about having an Internet connection or leaving nasty marks on my laptop screen.

I echo the view of some of them being alittle long, but there is some comedy gold in there if they were just tightened up abit.

Ease was my favourite, short and snappy, I liked that one allot.

The Goldshower seems alittle familiar, but I don't know whether that is due to ALL the adverts that are out there now same with the loserchat too, I'm sure that has been done somewhere, by someone before, nice though.

I liked CKY88's suggestion for the possesion sketch, but then like him I love darker comedy!

Thanks for responses..

and I agree with what's being said...

The guess the faces.. are a bit too long.. - as well as the start of "I really do love you" they were exactly what I was thinking too.

The dropping the condom is nice but I've already got sexual sketches... I want to keep away from the trap of having too many sexual sketches.

I think having too many sexual sketches is a sign of having a pretty limited repertoire.

Having said that, it is easier to make a sexual sketch funny rather than a non sexual sketch - Parodies are good too though and they are being done to death - 'Dead Ringers' - I find most of those quite annoying and there's nothing fresh.

Thanks for the views.

Quote: z--- @ January 12 2010, 10:16 AM GMT

The dropping the condom is nice but I've already got sexual sketches... I want to keep away from the trap of having too many sexual sketches.

I think having too many sexual sketches is a sign of having a pretty limited repertoire.

View original

True that, but that sketch I think would benefit from being a sexual sketch, or something completely off the wall... maybe he walks out talking like the voice behind the door and you can still hear the girl crying???

Quote: z--- @ January 12 2010, 10:16 AM GMT

Parodies are good too though and they are being done to death - 'Dead Ringers' - I find most of those quite annoying and there's nothing fresh.

View original

Parodies seem to be a flavour of the month, with how many are around again you need to do something really off the wall

I still like what you've got, keep up the good work z---

Nice one Zeddy baby!

Like the Possession one, great delivery on the end line! I have to say I'm really not keen on the canned laughter though. I'd lose it and re-upload them all.

Possession one is great as it stands re: the joke staying as it is, not sexualising it. But echo what people say about the length of these. A killer punch helps you out but people won't wait around for too long to get to the punch. Possession could be halved as could others.

And although it's a personal choice, I'd lose the canned laughter.

Appreciate the responses. Thanks to you all

I find it interesting to hear different people's points of view.

What different sketches people liked etc - canned laughter and all...

But I agree with the lengths... I need to cut some of them down to a shorter length.

Thanks

X

I watched the first 4 or 5 and I agree with a lot of people on here - there are some very good funny ideas but the sketches are too long. 'Possession' was the best of the ones I watched (stick to your punchline IMHO - it's a good one) but even that is too long.

One thing I'm surprised only SlagA has mentioned: whatever made you think it was good idea to add canned laughter? It's horrendous, and is the only reason I couldn't face watching them all. Laughter tracks are not necessarily bad, but I doubt yours was recorded from the responses of a studio audience watching your sketches. The way you have done it makes the sketches seem like parodies of 70s/80s shows before you've even started. The music on some of them is also distracting. I think you have enough good comic ideas from what I've seen for you to rely on the comedy and not resort to gimmicks.

Masturbating over your girlfriend?? That makes two of us. Keep em coming.