My take on this one (with Gav's approval of course).
INT. LAB.
A spectacled orangutang (Dr Tang) sprays the remains of a fire with a large red fire extinguisher as a large bear in a lab coat (Professor Bear) looks on. Next to the Professor, a ginger cat sleeps.
Professor Bear, noticing he's suddenly on air.
Welcome! to another amazing experiment in Lab 52! (He nudges the cat awake) This week we will answer a question sent to us from one of our 'Lab Rats', long-time viewer Petey (checking his notes), aged 4. It's something that has been bugging the scientific community for years..! And the question is... (turning to tight angle shot) How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
INT. WOODCHUCK ENCLOSURE
A woodchuck lays on it's back, lazily chewing some wood.
INT. LAB.
Professor Bear
Well, thanks to modern science, we can finally give the woodchuck the means to chuck wood.
INT. EXPERIMENT ROOM
A nervous woodchuck stands, it's furry little arms attached to larger robotic arms. Dr Tang stands beside the woodchuck, a large log in his hands, obviously taken from the huge pile behind him.
INT. LAB.
Professor Bear
Once we sound the klaxon of discovery, the woodchuck will have sixty seconds to chuck as much wood as it can onto the, already weighed, flat-bed truck. Dr Tang (Dr Tangs waves his log effortlessly) will aid the test subject by giving him wood (he clears his throat). At the second klaxon the truck will be weighed again, and we'll finally have an answer! (He smiles widely and turns to address the cat)
Professor Bear
Is everything ready Science Cat?
Science Cat (taking a break from licking itself)
Meow
Professor Bear
Then let the experiment begin! (he sounds the klaxon)
INT EXPERIMENT ROOM
Dr Tang places the first log into the robotic hands of the woodchuck, which are held above it's head, and lets go. Immediately the robotic arms spark and buckle and the woodchuck is crushed under the enormous weight of the log, which bursts into flames. Dr Tang frowns and pulls a fire extinguisher from behind his back. As he starts spraying the flames, the robotic arms drag themselves to safety.
INT. LAB.
Professor Bear turns back to camera, pausing in thought for a moment.
Professor Bear
A dark day for science....Anyway, join me next week when we'll see if genetic mutation and limpet farming can help a struggling seaside entrepreneur sale more of her coastal wares. Science out.
