I was shopping for bedding with my wife.
After we bought some, she went to the loo and came out without them.
I said, "The sheets?"
She said, "No, just a bit of indigestion."
Tell us a joke Page 150
Hippy penis. Piss and love.
Audi's latest car is being built in Alabama.
It's called the Audi Doodee.
Tommy Cooper's illegitimate child; Mini Cooper.
What's the difference between words and a teenager? Words don't come easily.
What's the difference between a capitalised word and the new Dad's Army Film ?
One's a collection of big characters and the other's a sh*t film.
Quote: Reg N @ 8th February 2016, 12:20 PM GMTI was shopping for bedding with my wife.
After we bought some, she went to the loo and came out without them.
I said, "The sheets?"
She said, "No, just a bit of indigestion."
Good pun, but "the sheets?" is a bit forced and unnatural. I'm sure you could rewrite it so that the line is "did you get the sheets?" - someone visiting the bedding dept and then the toilet, of whatever.
Plummer's crack isn't nearly as offensive as seeing a plummer's caulk.
Quote: gappy @ 9th February 2016, 1:43 PM GMTGood pun, but "the sheets?" is a bit forced and unnatural. I'm sure you could rewrite it so that the line is "did you get the sheets?" - someone visiting the bedding dept and then the toilet, of whatever.
I think it's fine as it is myself.
Quote: Biscuit777 @ 9th February 2016, 5:01 PM GMTI think it's fine as it is myself.
Fair dos
Quote: gappy @ 9th February 2016, 5:20 PM GMT
If it was being written as a sketch, the wording would be altered. Facial expressions and gestures (by good actors) could make all the difference.
Quote: Reg N @ 5th February 2016, 10:07 AM GMTI see you have a tight elastic band round your penis. How come?
snappy.
But I agrea with gappy's points on the sheet joke. 
Quote: gappy @ 9th February 2016, 5:20 PM GMT
Is that an albino with diarrhea?
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 10th February 2016, 11:13 AM GMTIs that an albino with diarrhea?
"You can't say anything round here"
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"My wife's always moaning that the vacuum cleaner is full."
"Take the bag out."
"Good idea! Where should I take her?"
Writing jokes is like sex.
If you're not in the mood, it just won't come.
***
However, a professional gag-writer is like a porn star.
They rise to the occasion.
***
Here's a true story.
Years ago I worked in an office (shudder) and I was watching one of the secretaries doing a crossword.
The clue was 'stiff' - five letters.
The answer was 'rigid'.
This girl, in complete innocence put 'erect'.