This article is from our archive. It was published in 2012.

Misery Bear interview

Published January 2012

Misery Bear. Misery Bear is the star of a series of hit internet videos. We thought it about time we gave the saddest, most suicidal teddy bear in the whole world a call to say hello...

Hi Misery Bear. Who, why, where and what is Misery Bear?

The who and the where I'll answer. The why and the what just sound rude. You've started off badly with the questioning there, and put me on edge a bit. Presumably, if you've watched my films or read my book, you'll know that people are mean to me on pretty much a daily basis, so adding your voice to the mix is extremely insensitive. Sigh.

Okay, so who am I? I'm a little teddy bear (no claws or big teeth, unfortunately). I appear in short films, I wrote a book, I just try and get through the life long day without having a nervous breakdown. My passions are pizza, foreign films, bourbon and hanging out with friends. Except I don't have any friends. The where? I'm at my office. I should be working but my boss is an idiot. I've not lifted a finger in three years.

How many short films have you starred in now?

Too many. I think it might be nearly fifteen by now. They're not fun to make, I get very little money for them, and they're pretty humiliating. I went into it thinking I'd be a hit with the girls, but girls don't give two hoots if you're in a bunch of videos on a website. So I'm trying to get into feature films now. But Clooney hasn't replied to any of my texts yet. And I've sent him A LOT of them.

Misery Bear. How did the video series come about?

I made the first video with Chris Hayward and Nat Saunders, who uploaded it onto YouTube. A producer called Jon Petrie got in touch with them, and over the months the three of them, along with another man called Ash Atalla, struck a deal with the BBC. All of this happened without my knowledge or consent and, as a result, I'm now powerless. And virtually penniless. It makes me so mad I could squeak.

Do you have a favourite episode?

I like the ones that don't portray me as a pathetic loser, like The Teddynator (below) and Dawn of the Ted. I get to do a little bit of ass-kicking in those ones. I do all my own stunts, you know. Had my fur singed once or twice!


We're impressed. Kate Moss got involved in the Comic Relief special. What was that like?

It was the greatest day of my life. Even though she was playing a stalker, it was mostly make-believe. She's actually not as obsessed with me as the film made out. I did have to ask her to stop sending me texts at three in the morning, though. Got a bit much.

Misery Bear's Guide To Love and Heartbreak book. As you mentioned earlier, you've written a book... what's it about?

It's a guide to the world of love and romance, from a little fuzzy guy who's had his heart ripped out more times than he cares to remember. I spent six months writing it - it's full of poems, love letters, advice, stories, photos, drawings, cartoons and the like - and I spent most of the advance on a spell in The Priory, so I really need it to shift a few units. I believe it would make the perfect Valentine's Day gift. Well, that's what my publisher told me to say, anyway...

What qualifies you to write a book on love?

Well, as I previously mentioned, I've been through heartache, despair, loneliness and bitterness in the name of love. I've had my little heart squished by members of the opposite sex (teddy bear and human) on countless occasions. Who better to report from the battlefield of love than the wounded soldier?

Good point. Mark, the Editor of the BCG, is a little bit in love with Rachel off of Countdown. Is there any tips you can offer him?

Well, tell Mark that if I were trying to woo Rachel, I would start by showing up at her place of work and calling out to her when she arrives and leaves that I would love to get a coffee with her sometime. If she fails to respond, I would leave messages with her colleagues to pass on to her, giving her my number. I would then buy her a pretty dress and some flowers and have them delivered to where they film Countdown. If I had access to her mobile phone number I would text her once per day, asking her out. That's what I'd do. So tell Mark to do the opposite.

Cheers Misery Bear. We'll make sure you get an invite to the wedding. Final question, do you think you'll ever be happy?

No.

Oh, dear. We've ended on a bit of a bleak note. Thank you anyway Misery Bear!

'Misery Bear's Guide to Love & Heartbreak' is out now. Details

The Misery Bear series can be watched on YouTube

 
Trying Again interviews

Trying Again interviews

Chris Addison, Jo Joyner, Charles Edwards, Alex Macqueen and more talk about Sky's Trying Again. Read

David Mitchell's new book

David Mitchell's new book

David Mitchell is currently compiling a new humorous book titled Thinking About It Only Makes It Worse. Read

A League Of Their Own x 3

A League Of Their Own x 3

Sky has struck a long-term deal with the producers of sports-based panel show A League Of Their Own. Read

Holli Dempsey interview

Holli Dempsey interview

Holli Dempsey, who plays Vicky in Derek, talks about her role. Is she like her character in real life? Read

The John Dredge Show

The John Dredge Show

Series 3 of John Dredge's critically acclaimed surreal sketch show podcast is now here. Check it out. Listen

Roisin Conaty interview

Roisin Conaty interview

Roisin Conaty introduces GameFace, her Channel 4 sitcom pilot about a woman muddling through life. Read

Fancy Meeting You Here

Fancy Meeting You Here

A look at Fancy Meeting You Here, the roving comedy show in which stand-ups offer free museum tours. Read

TV Comedy Preview

TV Comedy Preview

New TV shows to look out for this week include Warren United, Derek, Trying Again and GameFace. Read

Miranda's Generation Game

Miranda's Generation Game

Miranda Hart is reportedly being lined-up to host a new version of classic BBC show The Generation Game. Read

New sitcom The Delivery Man

New sitcom The Delivery Man

Spy and Green Wing star Darren Boyd will play a midwife in The Delivery Man, a new sitcom pilot for ITV. Read

Josie Long podcast

Josie Long podcast

This week's episode of Richard Herring's Leicester Square Theatre Podcast has stories from guest Josie Long. Listen

Katherine Parkinson pilot

Katherine Parkinson pilot

Katherine Parkinson, Ralf Little and Stephen Tompkinson are to star in a brand new sitcom pilot for ITV. Read

Babylon series now filming

Babylon series now filming

Six episodes of Channel 4's police-based comedy drama Babylon are now being filmed in London. Read

Marcus Brigstocke interview

Marcus Brigstocke interview

A snapped heel, torn cruciate and broken relationship - 2014 has been turbulent for Marcus Brigstocke. Read

New Julia Davis C4 pilot

New Julia Davis C4 pilot

Julia Davis has written and is starring in a new pilot about a breakfast TV host, called Morning Has Broken. Read

Trigger Happy TV USA

Trigger Happy TV USA

Dom Joly is reportedly having another go at taking his prank show Trigger Happy TV to America. Read

Ross Noble Freewheeling 2

Ross Noble Freewheeling 2

Ross Noble Freewheeling, the improvised comedy series which sees Ross Noble travelling the UK, is to return. Read

Frankie Boyle sitcom pilot

Frankie Boyle sitcom pilot

Frankie Boyle is amongst the stars talking part in a read-through for Wildlife, a new sitcom pilot. Read

Chris Addison podcast

Chris Addison podcast

A podcast in which Chris Addison talks about his career, and how they made the new sitcom Trying Again. Listen

Jason Lewis interview

Jason Lewis interview

Jason Lewis introduces Sniggers With Attitude, the sketch show he has made for TV channel London Live. Read

Damn the Torpedoes!

Damn the Torpedoes!

BFBS Radio, the British armed forces broadcaster, is launching Damn the Torpedoes!, a new sketch show. Read

Michael McIntyre Series 2

Michael McIntyre Series 2

The BBC has ordered a second series of Michael McIntyre's chat show. He will return to BBC1 later this year. Read

C4's latest Comedy Blaps

C4's latest Comedy Blaps

Channel 4 has launched three more mini-series on the internet under its Comedy Blaps branding. Read